The best LOVE should bring out the BEST in you.

Ah true love. So many definitions when you google. So many different kinds. Loving someone vs. being in love. We all want to feel everlasting real with someone.  For those of you that have it with your partner and it feels right, tell me about it. All the good stuff and bad.  What makes it true for you.  What is it that is key?  I often think about how loving someone and being in love differs. I also think about my past relationships and what it was that that I was initially was drawn to at the beginning....how it changed or grew throughout as well as the end of each of them. Paying attention to our patterns can possibly help us in our future ones if we can come to admit the parts that we acknowledge need improvement in order to help make us better. 

With much reflection over the past few years of dating, I feel that choosing someone like ourselves is important. In the olden days, ok. it seemed opposites attract. Maybe it still works. But sharing core values, interests and having a similar outlook on life certainly makes sense to me. I read in a study online last week that science backs this stuff up bit. That when people choose a partner, they prefer someone of similar level of attractiveness, wealth and status, and commitment to family. 

Should we pay attention to what friends and family say about your beau or bae? 100% yes. If no one likes your partner, there may be a good reason for it. I've earned through experience myself to try and not get defensive, but to listen why they feel this way. 

Is physical attraction that important? I mean no not exactly as thats all going to change with time. But it is important. Not necessarily movie star handsome or have to go all plastic on anyone, but staying at a healthy weight and looking good for your partner is essential. It keeps that spark going. You feel proud to be standing next to them. My grandma once told me in her hallway of photos of her and grandpa that a solid connection is key.  Conversation. Talk talk talk. Love going to dinner and hearing what each other has to say.  Not 'one is talking the whole time' and the other is totally bored. Why do some like having conversations with theirselves? Thats not a connection. 

Can activities be more than just sitting on the couch watching TV? Go camping, take a long car trip, fly somewhere, paint a room together lol....something that will challenge both more than usual because thats when you get to know the real person. A friend of mine traveled across the world with her new guy immediately.  At first I thought, 'my thats kind of fast.'  But then I saw how wise it was actually. Plan trips every year to go on together one you are married.  My family and extended family are all still married. I don't know know all their secrets... but some... and one that they all have shared is advising to go on adventures together.  It keeps things interesting and you always get something to look forward to together. 

I touched on how being old fashioned is a good thing in another post a few weeks ago.  If you are in love, you should ask questions like, 'Are they going to be a good provider?' Can they manage money?  Will they be a good parent? Since marriage is a financial agreement in addition to a love one (I think) in which your economic future is entwined with someone else's, their view for mate selection is that you have to be in love, but after that, don't park your reason at the door. Make sure you both are doing not just saying.  Actions speak louder than words, and in order to feel secure in your thoughts, you must see the ambition being lived, not just talked about before you can trust. You must practice and show patience, calm in the storm and love now. Don't wait to practice this later. In order to be good at this later, we must show this trait now.  I struggle with handling stress well so I have started a new meditation technique.  Its challenging but I must. Life will alway be hard and its important to learn how to work though stress in a way that works for you early on. It will prepare you to be able to handle and guide others in your family in the future aside from just yourself. 

Laughter. Are the inappropriate things you say about life occasionally funny to the other person or irritating? Was the scene from that commercial that hysterical? Do you have the same sense of humor?  If not, its not going to get funnier 30 years from now. Its a simple test of whether your world views align. 

Being in love is a feeling. Its a feeling without the benefit of experience. When you love, and are loved in return, its a consistent display of actions and all about the experience between you and that person. When you argue, all you want do is have that honest conversation, kiss and make up. 

Love I think is meant to be beautiful and necessary, and if you allow it, instinctual. But its never what you think it will be. It ultimately a choice that I believe we must make every single day. It understands your weaknesses, and doesn't mock you if you are scared of driving on highways or if you get cranky when you are hungry. It knows you need your tea really hot, and it will expect you to complain about your burnt tongue later. Love will be patient when you pick all the cherry tomatoes out of your salad because you think they are like gross eyeballs squirting in your mouth. It will be quiet when you don't feel like talking. It will laugh at all your horrible jokes at a party to save you from embarrassment. Its loyal. It will forget old words and old wounds. Even when it remembers, it also remembers to stay kind. It will know that in real life there will be good and bad days. And a lot of so-so ones. Love will get through all of them. Love won't always make you happy. But if its real, it will make you better.  Happy too, but also unhappy. Because love knows that its central function in your life is to help you grow. Growth hurts. Every day, make sure love changes you to become a version of yourself you didn't know existed. Expanded. And stretched somehow....all for the good. 

If you have any of this going for you, it's possible that love has found you and you found it back. If you aren't sure, be patient. Wait and don't hurry.  Love is patient and love is kind. If you don't feel you've found it yet, don't settle until you do. 

💕

Life is What it IS

This year has been filled with many ‘unique happenings' for me. Accepting difficult things as they come doesn’t feel natural to me. It hurts. It’s hard to accept something that doesn’t feel good. Maybe for some it’s easy. I envy you. Tell me your secrets. But for those of you like me...news is that I’m starting to see it’s possible. Once you’ve accepted it you will start to solve each of life's mysteries little by little...and you will begin to see these things differently. 

Life is what it is. It will continue to be a series of nows. If we can learn to love right now through it all, we will see our lives as amazing. Here are some life lessons that have helped me see. I hope they bring a light and impact on how you live just as they starting to do for me. ❤️

1. Life is now.

We keeping waiting for that amazing thing to happen in the future that will be the key to our happiness.

But this is it. Right now. Life continues to be a series of right nows. So learn to love right now, and you'll have an amazing life. 

2. Things gather dust.

Time and money spent accumulating material things will one day irritate you.

You have to clean, maintain, store, and move stuff. The less stuff you have, the freer you are. Purchase mindfully. Simplify. Declutter your life. 

3. Fun is underrated.

How much of your day is fun? Really fun?

Life is short. You should enjoy it. Don't make things serious that don't have to be.

Create more fun in your life. Don't worry about what other people think of your fun. Just enjoy it.

4. Failure is good.

We try so hard to avoid failure, but failure is the real evidence that we've had the courage to try.

If you avoid failure, you avoid taking action. Expect and accept that failure is part of the experience. Learn from it, grow from it, and move on.

5. Prioritize experiences.

The pleasure and positive memories afforded by great experiences far outweigh material things. If you're trying to decide between the new sofa or the family trip, take the trip every time.

Save and plan for new adventures and meaningful experiences. Don't just dream about them — make them happen.

6. Grudges cause pain.

Holding on to a grudge is like injecting poison into your body every day. Forgive and let go. There's no other way.

If your ego is preventing you from forgiving and letting something go, then tell your ego to take a hike. It's getting in the way of your happiness and well-being.

7. Passion upgrades life.

When you find that thing you love to do with all your heart, every day feels like a gift.

If you haven't found your life passion, make it your mission to find it. The joy it brings you spills over into all aspects of your life.

8. Travel expands you.

Travel makes you a more interesting, insightful, and accepting person.

It expands you, enlightens you, and teaches you about the variety of people, lifestyles, and cultures. It is a pursuit well worth saving for.

9. Risk expands you.

To make a positive change in your life, you often must take a risk. You must tolerate some level of uncertainty.

Taking thoughtful, calculated risk strengthens your “change muscle” and helps you grow.

10. Thoughts aren't real.

Every moment of the day, we have random thoughts floating through our brains.

Many of the thoughts are negative and limiting. You don't have to believe them. They aren't the truth or the whole truth.

Thoughts can become our reality, but only if we let them.

11. You can't control others.

We want people to think and behave as we do. We want them to accommodate us and live the way we think they should live. We want to change them.

But with awareness, we realize we can't and shouldn't try to control others. Instead, embrace differences and honor the uniqueness of the people in your life.

12. You can handle it.

Whatever you think you can't handle, you actually can.

You have more strength, more resilience, and more inner wisdom than you give yourself credit for. You'll get through it and survive — and maybe even be better for it.

❤️

Bomb Bites!

There are a lot of no-bake energy bite recipes out there I've tried and I have loved several. They inspired me to make one up myself with what I already had in my kitchen. Hope you enjoy!

Recipe

No exact measurements on how much of each ingredient, I just gauged amount depending on how much I wanted to make.  It will turn out perfect. If something tastes off, just add more of whatever it is thats missing! 😋

Organic raw oats 
Sea salt
Honey
Maca Powder 
Coconut Oil
Cinnamon 
Flaxseed meal
Water
Vanilla bean powder
Cocoa powder
Sliced almonds
Chia seeds

Mix all together and make into little balls. Roll over almonds. Refrigerate for about 30 min.  These little treats are great to have a half hour before a work out or on your way out in the morning with your coffee. 

They are so simple and easy to make! There are many ways of doing these.  If you create some of your own and come up with a different concoction, please share!

Xo

Lady Tea!

Tea time. For that time, or any time.🌸

Attention all lady creatures:

As most of you know some of the best things to have when we are on our cycles to combat cramps and bloating is turmeric and ginger. It helps with inflammation and when their is less inflammation there is less pain. I love when I find tea that has multiple herbs in it like this one. 

Mom went to Sequim, WA recently and brought this beautiful tea back from Goodness Tea , a blend of simple organic ingredients including hibiscus, lemon balm, ginger, lavender, and lemon verbena. I added some turmeric to it this morning with a little honey. It taste's amazing and serves a medicinal purpose at the same time. The next time you start to think 'Ow, is my vagina falling off, I'm going to die, why wasn't I born a boy' thoughts, have this with some advil and I swear you will feel a whole lot better! 

Cheers to being a woman. 🍵🍵

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue...

Roses are red, violets are blue, but no flower in this world is as beautiful as you! 🌹



I love going to spas as well making my home my own. When it comes to DIY treatments, this one is a must. A friend gave me this as a gift from KOCOSTAR . You can order through them or you can find it also at ANTHROPOLOGIE . It's a rose petal face mask that helps support natural surface cell regeneration. Apply each petal onto your face and leave for 15-20 min. Massage the excess serum into the skin and then boom, you can now start or end your day, whenever you decide to do this smelling like a real rose. They are so fragrant that I didn't want to throw them away. I put the petals in a dish afterwards and left them by my bedside. This face mask is amazing! It inspired me to make my own next time by using natural petals from a rose and soaking them in milk, honey and rosewater before applying them to skin. If you love the scent of rose, you are in for a treat!

Xo 

Life is not a Problem to be Solved, but a Mystery to be Lived.

Someone once told me that life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to lived. As I think about this more, I find that these are helpful words to  remember when things in life get confusing. 

The act of solving usually isn't an easy thing. I wouldn't say I enjoy the solving process as it can be trying, but at the same time I am grateful for a newer voice inside me thats recently helped me be a stronger person. Knowing whats ok and whats not is one thing, but having the courage to talk about it is the first step to actually getting something resolved. When you are ready to talk its important to pause and say to yourself that

whatever this thing is, that this...that all of life stuff... is a mystery to be lived. That whatever the outcome... it was meant to be there as a part of your process. Your adventure, your overcoming, your exploration, your ride. Your journey!  Right now we are work in progress. We are “becomings.”

What if every hardship you've gone through, every single one no matter how difficult it was or currently is, actually happened to better you after as an individual? To teach you, to strengthen you, to make you more wise. To feel something that God wants us to feel and know. What if we could actually see these experiences as blessings during the shock factor?  The 'I'm grateful for this uncomfortable situation' thought process is usually not felt till after the fact....but if there was a way to train ourselves to feel this way during the mystery, I wonder if this would help us manage life's curveballs significantly better.

This year has been a year of mystery for me. With my health, with men, with my car, in my career and life as a whole...all mysteries that have been apart of my journey. I've learned that if you want to make something right, a solution usually won't just fall into your lap.  You may have to fight for one.  It shouldn't be this way, I don't think. But, it seems to be designed this way. To help us. To grow. To learn. The more we learn , the more we realize how little we know. And what we know matters, but remembering that who we are through all of life's mysteries is what matters the most. 

In a perfect world, in my perfect world at least, everything would be simple. Thats why during tough stuff, its important to try and keep as much as you can simple and light around you.  Stay tuned for the most simple yet beautiful and relaxing at home spa experience to come! 🌹

Sunday Scones!

I was shopping around looking for candles and fall decor last week at  HOMEGOODS when I accidentally ended up spending more time in the food aisle.  When it comes to baking I enjoy everything about the word homemade but I'm also ok with 'just add water' mixes as long as the ingredients are simple. You can find THESE scones any where plus there are several different kinds you can make if raspberry isn't your jam.  It happens to be mine, so I also made some more 'jam' (thawed frozen organic raspberries with a drop of honey) to go along with them. And butter.  If you are going to have a scone, you have to have butter. Duh. 

Just add water. 14 minutes. 

Tada. 

 

Thaw and mash with a fork. Optional, add a drop of honey. They are tart. 

Sunday breakfast. Ah-la Home Goods scones, one of their Pumpkin Thyme candles, and my favorite ALLEGRO coffee from Wholefoods. 

💋 #happyalmostfall 

Almond Milk to Mickey D's

Black coffee and green tea. Black coffee....green tea. Over and over is all myself and many I know try to order on a regular basis. It's 'the healthy way,' but the boring way, and sometimes you need more kick. Something more exciting.  Like a sweet milky iced drink but minus all the additives and sugar that come along with the lattes, the frappucinos etc. Every boxed almond milk, coconut milk, rice milk, soy milk, hemp milk, whatever milk has added stuff in it. Starbucks, Coffee bean, Petes, and most of the other mainstream coffee shops use these milks. I did come across a great spot once at the Manhattan Beach Pier that made their own milk and soaked their almonds overnight. Then they added a little date and agave to it. It was quite amazing but along with homemade came a price. $8.50 for a small tiny tea with almond milk.  Umm what?  I could have sworn my dinner didn't cost that much last night and there was alot more protein in it than the almond milk I had.  
Today a friend and I chose Le Pain over Starbucks or  the other $8.50 spot. I designed my drink myself. I knew this place had organic almond milk. I ordered some and asked to please pour it over ice.  Then I asked if they could throw a Rooibos tea bag in there as well. I could add some agave after and control how much goes in with some cinnamon and have a drink of my liking without all the added syrups, sugars, carrageenan, guar gums, etc. It seemed brilliant. 


It shocked me watching the barista's faces when I requested the drink.  They were confused and asked a lot of questions. 

Somehow when you order a grande double shot latte with 4 pumps sweetener, soy milk vs. regular and whip cream they get it. When you ask them for some almond milk over ice with a tea bag they just stare at you. The girl working behind the cashier and the person next to them. Everyone is staring. "So like, do you want the tea seeped? Hot?  Then half ice with some almond milk? Or, wait...do you want a hot tea with ice?"  Then I blank stare. "No. Just almond milk poured over ice with a tea bag. Thanks." What was so hard about that to understand? Was it that weird?

Once time I went to McDonalds drive thru (Oh shush you've been too) because I was craving chicken fingers. I asked if I could have two chicken fingers by themselves, not the meal, with an ice water and yellow mustard packets. If you are an anti-sauce freak like me, all fast food sauces are filled with junk. Mustard packets are the only sauce at these places whose ingredients will say: Water, vinegar, mustard seeds, salt, turmeric.  "Hi miss, so you want a chicken fingers meal, ok great, and what drink?" 

😐..."No, thats not what I asked." I tell them again. 

"Oh. Thats it? Are you sure? Would you like to try our big mac, chicken nuggets, french fries, milkshake or vanilla cone?" 

Because you know, just in case I forgot to order more... I wonder who actually says "Oooo cool yes please, I'd love all those too actually! Thanks!" 

I guess simple intentions can be construed as the opposite of simple.  

Go figure. 

Whitefish Wonder

As the holidays are approaching, I reminisce my first time to Whitefish Montana last January. 

It was the most beautiful place. Cold nights, big sweaters, warm tea, soft socks, fireplaces, and morning hikes with only the sound of snow falling from the trees.  

When this fluffy white sparkle is in its natural state, untouched - I believe it is an attempt from God to make this dirty world look clean. 

♡ #fortheloveofwhite

Hungry for Security and Family, not Diamonds.

So this guy probably in his late 40's comes up to me at a house warming party and says “these little cheese bites and mini martinis are the highlight of my damn year,” slamming his drink down splashing my tank top. He seemed to be having a bad day and needed conversation about the food, or something else. “Yes, they are good especially with all the rosemary in them.” He looked at me funny. I realized right then that he didn’t want to talk cheese bites. “Rough year so far?” He looked at me with tired eyes and spoke with slurred words as he openly shared his frustrations dating women and how we are all just a bunch of gold diggers. 

Ouch. I mean ok, some exist. But c'mon not all are. It's his own bad if he picked a frozen faced, barely dressed barbie doll that orders the filet and Dom on the first date. The definition of gold digger is essentially a prostitute. I asked him if she had IG because I wanted to see a photo. He showed me. She was the total opposite of frozen barbie. She looked more like an even prettier version of Punky Brewster all grown up. If she was really a GD, she could find richer (he told me he worked in sales at Nordstrom and was still working toward something else but hasn't got there yet). I asked him, "Why do you think she is a gold digger?  Maybe things didn't work for another reason." He said, “She posted a photo after 2 weeks of splitting. A picture of her and another guy on his yacht. She was only after money the whole time I just know it,” then he went on and on about how he didn't feel good enough with her. How he's actually happier that this all didn't work out because he doesn't really want anything serious anyway and prefers not having to go somewhere where a steak is $40. 

Poor guy. Well, maybe. This conversation really got my thoughts stirring. What if he just wasn't what she needed him to be, to give her enough comfort relating to her future? I’ve learned through experience with my own relationships that men want to be the man they want to be before they fully let a woman into their life. Someone with an established career I think is more likely to commit than one who does not.  Cheese bite's brain: Career. Friend. GF. Then marriage. Then maybe a baby. Maybe. Like way later. Possibly. Lol. Punky's brain may have been a little different: Is this my husband? Can he provide? OK good. Marriage. Baby. Family. Boom. Lets do this. Her man takes her on a nice date and pays for the tab. If she reaches for it, thats good. But if he lets her pay? Hmm. Controversial. 

"Did she want kids? Do you?" Him: "Yeah, and yeah I may." He may. She was probably thinking, 'He's not ready. Next.' 

In her defense, maybe she left this sluggish surf rat because she wasn't feeling secure with him. 

Just because a woman wants this in a mate does not necessarily mean she is a gold digger. 

There could have been another reason she left. Not all woman are thinking husband and baby.  He mentioned the steak comment. Maybe it was because it's hard to enjoy receiving a nice dinner out if she is wondering the whole time if he can actually afford it. "Maybe I shouldn’t have ordered the steak," she thinks. "Will he be able to make rent? Maybe we should just go to Taco Bell because he may not be comfortable going to a nice restaurant..." My point is that if your boy is broke it puts a damper on going out. If she is shopping at Nordstrom, driving a BMW, dining out at Mastros or grocery shopping at Whole Foods and works hard for her money earned.. but he says yes to Walmart, a car always needing to be fixed, Taco Bell, the 99 cent store and doesn't have a job... where are his efforts going and what is she gaining from this? He may be very sweet. Great sex, loving, caring...which of which are important but it may not be enough. 

IF he gets: a pretty face, the future mother of his child, a wife who is strong, smart and crafty, passionate and generous, has emotion, devotion, hope beauty and power. If she has a brain and knows how to use it if she gives you respect, love and gratitude...if she believes in you, nurtures you, fights for you... then she deserves nothing less from you!  

Being alpha feels unfeminine and she may come from a family of traditional values. Thinking back to the cave man days I believe there is an instinctual link to women wanting to be with a man who can provide financial security. 

In sum, if your not making the dough, don’t be hating if she says no. There are many valid reasons she has the right not to be into you, especially if you are looking for a serious partner. It’s not fair to simplify women into the category of gold diggers the second you are aware that they care about money. And why is a girl shallow unless she's happy with a poor ugly guy? Every woman is entitled to having standards, money being one of them. 

Thankfully Farrow and Ball had enough various tones of white to match my own so I could repair a few boo-boos and make it look like nothing was ever touched. #homerepairs

Over all the shades to pick from: Wevet was my winner.