Hungry for Security and Family, not Diamonds.

So this guy probably in his late 40's comes up to me at a house warming party and says “these little cheese bites and mini martinis are the highlight of my damn year,” slamming his drink down splashing my tank top. He seemed to be having a bad day and needed conversation about the food, or something else. “Yes, they are good especially with all the rosemary in them.” He looked at me funny. I realized right then that he didn’t want to talk cheese bites. “Rough year so far?” He looked at me with tired eyes and spoke with slurred words as he openly shared his frustrations dating women and how we are all just a bunch of gold diggers. 

Ouch. I mean ok, some exist. But c'mon not all are. It's his own bad if he picked a frozen faced, barely dressed barbie doll that orders the filet and Dom on the first date. The definition of gold digger is essentially a prostitute. I asked him if she had IG because I wanted to see a photo. He showed me. She was the total opposite of frozen barbie. She looked more like an even prettier version of Punky Brewster all grown up. If she was really a GD, she could find richer (he told me he worked in sales at Nordstrom and was still working toward something else but hasn't got there yet). I asked him, "Why do you think she is a gold digger?  Maybe things didn't work for another reason." He said, “She posted a photo after 2 weeks of splitting. A picture of her and another guy on his yacht. She was only after money the whole time I just know it,” then he went on and on about how he didn't feel good enough with her. How he's actually happier that this all didn't work out because he doesn't really want anything serious anyway and prefers not having to go somewhere where a steak is $40. 

Poor guy. Well, maybe. This conversation really got my thoughts stirring. What if he just wasn't what she needed him to be, to give her enough comfort relating to her future? I’ve learned through experience with my own relationships that men want to be the man they want to be before they fully let a woman into their life. Someone with an established career I think is more likely to commit than one who does not.  Cheese bite's brain: Career. Friend. GF. Then marriage. Then maybe a baby. Maybe. Like way later. Possibly. Lol. Punky's brain may have been a little different: Is this my husband? Can he provide? OK good. Marriage. Baby. Family. Boom. Lets do this. Her man takes her on a nice date and pays for the tab. If she reaches for it, thats good. But if he lets her pay? Hmm. Controversial. 

"Did she want kids? Do you?" Him: "Yeah, and yeah I may." He may. She was probably thinking, 'He's not ready. Next.' 

In her defense, maybe she left this sluggish surf rat because she wasn't feeling secure with him. 

Just because a woman wants this in a mate does not necessarily mean she is a gold digger. 

There could have been another reason she left. Not all woman are thinking husband and baby.  He mentioned the steak comment. Maybe it was because it's hard to enjoy receiving a nice dinner out if she is wondering the whole time if he can actually afford it. "Maybe I shouldn’t have ordered the steak," she thinks. "Will he be able to make rent? Maybe we should just go to Taco Bell because he may not be comfortable going to a nice restaurant..." My point is that if your boy is broke it puts a damper on going out. If she is shopping at Nordstrom, driving a BMW, dining out at Mastros or grocery shopping at Whole Foods and works hard for her money earned.. but he says yes to Walmart, a car always needing to be fixed, Taco Bell, the 99 cent store and doesn't have a job... where are his efforts going and what is she gaining from this? He may be very sweet. Great sex, loving, caring...which of which are important but it may not be enough. 

IF he gets: a pretty face, the future mother of his child, a wife who is strong, smart and crafty, passionate and generous, has emotion, devotion, hope beauty and power. If she has a brain and knows how to use it if she gives you respect, love and gratitude...if she believes in you, nurtures you, fights for you... then she deserves nothing less from you!  

Being alpha feels unfeminine and she may come from a family of traditional values. Thinking back to the cave man days I believe there is an instinctual link to women wanting to be with a man who can provide financial security. 

In sum, if your not making the dough, don’t be hating if she says no. There are many valid reasons she has the right not to be into you, especially if you are looking for a serious partner. It’s not fair to simplify women into the category of gold diggers the second you are aware that they care about money. And why is a girl shallow unless she's happy with a poor ugly guy? Every woman is entitled to having standards, money being one of them.