I accepted a job with a company in August. I thought I found everything I wanted: challenging work that would leverage me to my goals, flexible hours, a fun group of people, a laid-back atmosphere, an opportunity that would relocate me back to dear friends and the ocean again and a short commute. ( I love the short commutes, especially in LA!)
Things seemed to be perfect but soon I realized they weren’t. The job amongst other things werent what I wanted. I lost sleep for weeks thinking and contemplating what to do. When I finally exhausted myself enough to fall asleep one night, I had a dream.
The next morning without hesitation, I decided to back out of what I had worked so hard to accomplish.
When you quit something that is not for you, you take a healthy step toward joy and fulfillment but quitting can also produce guilt. Our society teaches us to “never give up.” If we’re “quitters,” we are supposed to feel bad about ourselves. We also hurt others along the way who we care about which for me being a people pleaser my whole life has kept me in scenarios longer than I should have stayed all because I didn't want to hurt the other person. I feel terrible but better. It feels like I got divorced after just getting married only a week ago. Others were involved, time, energy, and money was spent toward this process and because of these things I can't help but not care.
It's easy to give up on things in life because of fear of the unknown or because someone said I should quit or because what I want to pursue is “too difficult.” If you leave your marriage for example because it’s “too difficult” to work things out with your spouse, or you stop writing because your mother said you’ll be another starving author, you might not only be making a decision you’ll regret but you’ll be more likely plagued by guilt.
Three of my top values are honesty, trust and respect. Push aside fear, negative self-talk, and outside influences. Are you in an environment, project, or relationship that violates your values? If so the guilt shouldn't feel so heavy when you rethinking about making a u-turn. There will always be someone who will tell you that you’re crazy for quitting, or that he or she knows someone who did what you did and ended up bankrupt or socially ostracized. You and God know why did what you needed to do and that should be what you focus on vs. the opinions of others who don't know the full story.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of over analyzing, playing possible scenarios in your head, and wondering if you really did everything you could to avoid not sticking with something you just started. I spent nights lying awake, wondering whether I should have asked more questions in my interview or been more vocal about my goals but that all brought on more stress and negative emotions. Overanalyzing will take up valuable time you could be using to plan the next step in your career or personal life.
I’m now painting a detailed mental picture of what I want to achieve. When I really want something I find a way to get there. It doesn’t always end up right (as I'm always taking risks and they don't always work out how I wish they would, like in this situation) but knowing I will do everything I can to get there means a lot to myself in terms of my determination and ambition. I'm so grateful for having passion within me. I’ve shown myself I can do this in a few different scenarios (aside from this one) this year which brings me much encouragement and confidence for my next try.
Stay true to yourself. Don't tuck those gifts away that God gave you in your pocket for 'someday. Start using them now. ♥
"Just wait."
"You can't know how much I love you when you are your own provider.
For now, I need you to stop.
It's time to rest, to find your pace.
Come and be my daughter, and taste what it is to have enough." ✝
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